If you have been struggling to make a go of marriage with a spouse who is a narcissist, you likely already have a clear idea of what it means to try to rationally discuss important topics with an irrational person. Yours is definitely not the first relationship that has suffered demise because of narcissism. It’s no secret that there is no “cure” for this condition, although, on rare occasions, some narcissists do seek help and learn to manage their lives and control their emotions better.
Divorce is never easy, but it might be especially challenging for someone in your position. That’s because your spouse’s narcissistic tendencies are not going to miraculously vanish after you file the petition and attempt to negotiate a fair and agreeable settlement. It’s always a good idea to build a strong support network when you’re starting a new lifestyle, and it’s particularly helpful if you are headed for court.
Narcissists want to win, every single time
It’s important to keep in mind that negotiating with a narcissist is difficult because he or she has one thing in mind and one thing only: winning. You might not see divorce negotiations as a win/lose situation; however, amicable, peaceful discussion might not even be possible if the person on the other side of the equation is incapable of having rational discussions, empathy or even trying to see another person’s point of view.
Let someone else do the talking for you
Having a third party present when you have to meet with your spouse to discuss a settlement may be the easiest way to avoid angry outbursts, which narcissists are prone to have. You might have already tried counseling during marriage to no avail. However, letting someone assist who is well-versed in Colorado family law, especially regarding equitable property division guidelines, may help you avoid contention as you try to achieve an agreeable settlement.
Take screenshots of all correspondence
If you’ve been married to a narcissist for any length of time, you are likely no stranger to some of the common tactics such people use to try to take control or to get their way. For instance, a spouse who exhibits such behavior might try to manipulate or edit a text message or email to use as evidence in court. To avoid such problems, it’s best to take screenshots or make hard copies of all original correspondence between you and your soon-to-be former spouse.
Focus on your ultimate goals
Emotional abuse is a common component of many marriages that include a narcissistic spouse. How many times has your partner tried to convince you that everything that goes wrong in his or her life is your fault? You can forge a stronger path toward a successful future if you devise a plan of action and stick to it.
Instead of blaming yourself, surround yourself with people who understand the issues you’re dealing with and are willing to provide strong support and guidance as needed to help you leave the past behind and lay the groundwork for accomplishing new goals in life.