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How to help your kids come to terms with your divorce

You and your spouse may be one of many young, professional couples who were excited to settle in Adams County or a surrounding area to go for gold in your careers and provide your children with the best opportunities the region has to offer. Colorado consistently ranks high for per capita income, which may be one of the things that attracted you when deciding where to live when you got married.  

All that may seem like a lifetime ago now that much has changed, your kids are getting older and you are preparing for divorce. You'll be glad to know there are strong support networks in place that can help you navigate the process, achieve a fair and agreeable settlement, protect your rights as a parent and keep your children's best interests a central focus of the proceedings. In the meantime, there's a lot you can do from your end to help your kids adapt to their new lifestyle. 

Deciding if you should tell your kids before you separate 

Many family counselors say it's always best to give your children a heads-up before one of their parents moves out. A surprising number of people separate without informing their kids ahead of time; however, chances are, your kids may fare best if you tell them before it happens.

How you break the news is important 

It's never a good idea to give children more information than they are mature enough to handle. In short, your kids don't need to know all the intimate details of why you're getting divorced. By being as honest and forthright as possible without overburdening them, you can help them come to terms with your news in as healthy a manner as possible. 

Help keep their stress levels low  

While you may be dealing with a lot of contentious issues as you and your spouse discuss other important matters, such as high asset property division and custody or visitation plans, it's best if your keep your disputes out of your children's earshot. Studies show that even toddlers and infants show signs of stress when exposed to parental conflicts. 

Think ahead and prepare a low-stress arrangement  

If you think it's likely that you and your former spouse will be unable to keep civil tones when picking up or dropping off your kids during custody or visitation exchanges, you can keep your children's best interests in mind by pre-arranging a monitored or neutral drop-off location. For instance, you can write it into your parenting agreement that all exchanges are to take place at school or some other place where only one parent need be present. 

Don't think you have to go it alone 

It's understandable that you do not want to waste time you could be spending with your kids or have to take exorbitant amounts of time off work going over and over the same issues with your spouse as you try to work out a new parenting plan. By tapping into available resources within the civil justice system, you can enlist the aid of skilled negotiators to help you achieve a settlement in as swift and economically feasible a fashion as possible.     

Many Colorado parents determine litigation necessary to resolve particular issues. They often choose to act alongside experienced guidance. This gives a parent an opportunity to focus attention on helping the children move toward a new and happy future by allowing an experienced advocate to handle the legal side of things in court. 

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